Conquistadors
by Likeness
Summary: To forget but not to forgive.


Conquistadors

by Likeness

…

**AN:** _I guess in some ways Viking!Denmark reminds me of Soviet!Russia, so a headcanon has been forming in my mind that during the time period in which the Soviet Union existed, Russia had some sort of weird fanboy fixation with Danish history and by extension, Denmark himself. Like I don't even know, but it's somewhere between cute and disturbing… Also tried to keep this as accurate as possible and research is fun and all but I don't have hours of time on my hands. Notes are at the end in case you wanna read 'em. They're probably as long as the actual one-shot._

**Disclaimer:** _Hetalia doesn't belong to me. Hidekazu Himaruya wrote it originally, so therefore, he _owns_ it._

…

Russia doesn't quite understand his own obsession, doesn't understand why he is so drawn to the older nation. He is little more than a moth to flame, completely enraptured and unable - unwilling - to escape. He is certain that if he was just a little closer, he would put that fire in an airtight cage and just watch it burn forever. Although he supposes that would be stupid really. Fire needs oxygen, and when it doesn't get any, it dies out. But the want still burns within him. He doesn't just want it; he needs it.

He needs to talk to Denmark.

The other nation's history is so interesting, not quite unlike his own. He'd gathered all the other Nordics in his house like one big happy (forced) family, but they'd left him and hadn't returned when Denmark had fought for them. This was where the similarities would end. Russia would keep the Baltics in his house for as long as he lived (and Russia would live forever) and eventually of the world would join them. They would all be so happy, even the cynical Brit and stiff German. But maybe he'd let the Dane be free every so often. He'd deserve it. Russia had his mistakes to learn from, after all. And he never wants to witness that final flame flicker out of existence. It would not be satisfying like seeing the Italies lose their spirit or Japan lose his composure.

So, after he and the stupid American fight over everything and communism - does he really deserve to be called a commie bastard? - and when Germany finally stops trying to keep things relatively sane in the conference room and just dismisses everyone despite the fact he has no authority, he approaches the wild-haired nation. Denmark is, as always, happy to the point of stupidity. He is blabbering on about something mundane and irrelevant even though Norway is long gone already. Russia likes to think that he is the only one outside of that big happy (forced) family to see the darker tint in those blue eyes, the side that flirts with monsterity and bathes in blood at midnight. He sees it, and he understand, truly, how it feels. Russia knows that in his own purple orbs resides cruelty and homicide - genocide - and a sort of insanity that is the love child of cold weather and wilting flowers.

He thinks that Denmark would understand him, better than East Germany who still insists he is 'the awesome Prussia' or Lithuania or Latvia or Estonia or anybody else ever could. Russia also thinks that maybe, just maybe, Denmark could like him too. Not very many people like him.

Like an avid fan of one of America's silly rock fans, Russia goes up to Denmark with an excited glint in flawed eyes. But he is not the first to speak. "They'll leave you one day."

"They will not." Russia is strong with his words, but his spirit seems crushed. It is like when Ukraine left all over again. He fiddles with his scarf. He thought Denmark would understand; he thought she would care. It hurts to have a spirit crushed. Russia wishes he were not so used to the feeling because the pain is unbearable. It stomps on his heart and pinches his cheeks until both are numb.

"They will whether you want them to or not. And then you'll be stuck apologizing to them over and over again, and it won't matter whether you mean it or not." Without so much as a good-bye, Denmark races out of the room, calling after Iceland that 'drinks are on him.' Russia thinks that while he may still love Ukraine, he will not forgive her, and while he may admire who he was once upon a time, Denmark will not be forgiven either. But he can't be taken off that pedestal because that is where he will always belong in Russia's mind.

"I will succeed," Russia promises himself. (Or is he promising Denmark? Or someone else entirely?) "And I will never apologize to anyone." His words trail after the other country like smoke which Russia deems fitting because Denmark is like fire, a dying fire - losing oxygen and using up the twigs underneath it - but a fire nonetheless. And Russia wanted to keep it burning.

…

The Soviet Union is dead, and Russia feels like a child again except there are memories, vivid like they happened only yesterday, of death and constant vigilance. A button that could end the world was at his disposal, and even though it still is, he doesn't remember why a hand was always hovering over it. Just as he remembers three nations living with him (living in fear of him) but doesn't understand them, doesn't understand why their fearful eyes watch his every move. He remembers the United States of America aiming his prized pistol at his chest where his heart should be and his pipe forcing the obnoxious American's eyes to meet his. He knows why they're fighting, but he doesn't know, not really. He has a repeating dream with Denmark in it and both of their mouths are moving but the words always escape him. Russia doesn't know what they're talking about.

So what he said was true in a twisted sort of way. He succeeds at something - failing and killing and forgetting and he never breathes the word 'I'm sorry' to a soul because he has no idea what he has done. That acts of cruelty that riddle his past exist only in the backstreets of his mind where he refuses to venture.

Russia glances down the table because England and France are having another spat and he wants no part in the fighting this time around, and he swears he sees Denmark wince when he catches the other's eye. And a truth turns into a lie which he'll pretend never happened. (He remembers a man - his boss actually - named Stalin who murdered behind closed doors who taught him how to twist the truth into something pretty and beautiful.) But the word 'извините' escapes his lips. They're quiet to the extreme of silence, but for a second, they exist. And maybe Russia will be forgiven. Some day.

…

**Notes**

_(Because there is no APH fic without them.)_

_**Prussia** - Prussia was invaded by Germany in 1933 (I think that's the correct year) and then when WWII ended and Germany had to give land back and all that, Prussia was officially dissolved and its land was divided between a bunch of places. Then, Germany was divided into East and West, and while not historically accurate I think Prussia became East Germany because that's gives him a legit reason to stay alive at least until 1990._

_**Denmark** - Russia calls Denmark an older nation because Denmark is actually a really old country (pretty sure he's older than Russia.) Denmark, at some point, had some sort of union-type agreement with Sweden and Norway. Although on paper they were all equal, Denmark's queen saw her country as superior and when Sweden got tired of it, it left. Denmark tried to fight to get it back but never succeeded, and Norway eventually left too. So, he's one of the few countries that reminds me of Russia._

_**Russia** - Stalin did kill a lot (can't remember the exact number) of his people in complete secret, and I blame him for most of Russia's… unhingeness. And I think the Cold War is pretty well-known._

_**Spain** - Although he isn't so much as mentioned, I named this fic Conquistadors because they were there to conquer as much as possible which I think could apply to both Denmark and Russia._

_(Correct me on any of this if it's wrong.)_

_**EDIT** - Denmark was actually the leader, and the fact that Norway was taken by Sweden because Denmark lost in the Napoleon wars. They tried to save Norway by giving him independence, because then Sweden couldn't take Norway from Denmark since they didn't own them anymore, but Sweden just forced Norway to be a part of them anyway. (Thanks xXWatergirlXx!)_


End file.
